Him
by tr photochick
Summary: Boiler Room - Chris Varick fic. This is a simple romance, Chris/OFC pairing. Warning for smut, adult situations and language. Told in first person from the female point of view.
1. Chapter 1

Fandom: Boiler Room

Disclaimer: I don't own Varick but he sure is fun to play with.

Pairing: Chris Varick/OFC

Rating: M

this is adult. There is adult situations, sexual situations and a little language.

A/N: This is the first thing I wrote form a first person point of view and I was going for an inner monologue type thing... much like what goes on in my own twisted head. The guy could really be anyone, but Chris Varick just fit what I needed and he's totally yummy. Enjoy.

...

Chapter 1 Him

I'm having a hard time believing it's January right now

I'm having a hard time believing it's January right now. The sun feels so warm on my skin. It's like heaven. The beach isn't very crowded right now. It's nice. Peaceful. I could stay here on the warm sand all day. It's a long way from my normal life. Thank you to the person who invented the vacation.

My watch tells me it's lunchtime, but my body just isn't feeling it right now. I don't want to get up and leave this little patch of heaven, but I know I need to. There are only two days left of vacation and then it's back to reality.

Reality. There's a concept. The vacation I'm on has distracted me from it all. It's all history now and I want to move on. I need to get back home. I miss Kimmie. This is the longest I've been away from her, and the farthest. I know she's in good hands with my sister and she loves being there with her cousins, but that doesn't stop a mom from worrying.

I know I have got to be taking half the beach with me now. There is sand in places that sand just shouldn't go. It feels like the more I wiggle to get it out, the more it finds its way into every part of my body.

"I need a drink." I don't know why I say things out loud when I'm alone. Habit I guess. I had someone with me to talk to all the time for so long that not having someone seems odd. Even after everything I still had Kimmie to talk to. Maybe I should have brought her with me.

The bucket of ice holding the soda cans is freezing. It's a sharp contrast to the warmth from the sun. I hope I don't drop the can while I dig for my key card to charge this. The last thing I want to is open the can and have it fizz everywhere. Like there's anyone to notice if I get drenched in soda? I'm laughing out loud and the man at the cash register is looking at me like I'm crazy.

Room keys that work like credit cards. Whoever invented those had a good idea too. This soda is good. I didn't realize how thirsty I was until I took a drink. Maybe lunch isn't a bad idea.

What the fuck? Pain. OK, running smack dab into a large man and falling on your ass is bad enough. Now I feel cold and wet. My soda is soaking through my shorts. Great. Way to go big guy. There's a hand in my face now but I can't stop myself from laughing. Not like this is the first time I've been knocked on my ass because someone didn't see me there.

His hand is huge. He's holding mine to help me up and I feel like a kid holding a grown up's hand. There is that much difference in the size. I should look up… I know I should. So far I've been laughing but I should say something to this man who knocked me down. Ok, so I probably ran into him as much as he did me.

"You ok?" Holy fuck that is the sexiest voice I've ever heard. And he's chuckling at me. Great.

I have to look up now. It's the polite thing to do when you talk to someone. I know this. Why is it so damn hard to take my eyes off his hand?

I need to say something and look up at the man. "I'm good. It wasn't that far to the ground." Oh crap. He's hot. No, hot isn't the right word. He's beautiful. And he is laughing harder now.

"I'm sorry. I didn't see you there." His laughter is fading now and I can see there is sincerity in his apology. Those are some eyes I could get lost in.

I know I'm blushing now. "I'm not exactly in your eye line." I'm giggling. Wonderful Michael Ann. He's going to think you're a giggling, soda spilling freak. "Well, thanks for knocking me on my ass." I have to turn and leave now. My legs are sticky from the soda drying there and I want to get away from this man before I say something really stupid.

I'm walking away now. Goodbye beautiful man who knocked me down. Those were some huge hands. Oh great, now I'm gonna be all horny because of that man's hands.

"Wait." There's that voice again. Is he asking me to wait? Turning to look at him now. He's looking right at me, must have been talking to me. Now he's walking towards me. Normally a man walking to me like this would make me nervous. I'm not comfortable with people in general, and even less with men who look like he does. He's going to say something again.

"I'm Chris." His hand is out again, this time waiting for me to shake it, which I do.

"Mike." He's looking at me with a smirk after I say my name. Yeah, it's Mike. You got a problem with my name?

He's looking at me still. "Mike." Now it's not just the soda getting my panties wet. "Have lunch with me." Wow. That isn't a question he is asking. He's telling me that is what I am doing.

I should say yes. Scream yes. But my shorts are sticky. "I'd love to, but I need to change first." Can't go out with a guy with a soda flavored pussy now, can I?

His eyes are traveling over my body. Not much to look at, I know. I'm not pretty, but I'm not ugly. I'm just average. I know this. It serves me well most of the time. Helps me blend in.

"Can I walk you to your room? I'll wait while you change." This time it is a question he is asking.

"I'd like that." I'm grinning and giggling again. Great.

I feel like it's taking forever to get to my room. What can I put on? A skirt? More shorts? Jeans? Nothing? At least the key card is right on the top in my bag now. I'm motioning for him to follow me in and I watch as he shuts the door behind him.

Now my heart is beating faster. My hands are starting to shake. The stupid zipper on my bag does not want to work for me. Why now? Because he's in my room? I need to get a hold of my nerves. There. Shorts, shirt and panties.

He is standing there, not quite smiling at me. I have to walk past him to go into the bathroom to change. I stop and look up at him. "I'm just gonna go in there and change." He's not smiling anymore as he looks back at me. Neither am I. If he wanted to rip my clothes off right now that would be just fine.

I'm going to go into the bathroom now. Three, two, one, bathroom. Sticky shorts just do not feel good when they come off either. My legs are sticky. Let me just grab this washcloth and clan them off. Much better.

Panties on. Shorts on. Shirt on. Lets go back out there and go to lunch with Chris. I wonder where he will want to go. My hand is moving to open the door now and I see he is looking out the window.

He turned and now he is looking at me again. "You ready now?"

"Yeah." I can't keep the smile off my face. I hate that. He's talking to me and I keep hearing myself giggle. There is the hotel restaurant but we are walking past it. Guess he knows somewhere else.

He is still talking. It's strange. I'm not nervous talking to him. I was back in the room when neither of us said I word. But just talking to him is comfortable. He seems to like to talk as much as I do. Well, as much as I do with people I'm comfortable with that is. Where the hell are we? The back of the resort?

The villas. I haven't been to this part of the place. Fuck. He's probably got money. Probably used to women who look like underwear models and go have their bikini line waxed and get pedicures. That's not me. I don't go to the salon and I have calluses on my hands from holding drumsticks.

What am I doing with this man? He's talking to me and he's interesting and funny. He actually seems to be enjoying what I have to say too. This cannot happen. I will not like this man. I cannot fall for him. Men like him don't date women like me. I don't want a broken heart here. If he wants to have lunch and some really hot sex, I can do that. I think.

"Here we are." His hand is grabbing mine and he is pulling me up the stairs. "I was planning on putting some steaks on the grill."

He's going to cook for me? I will not fall for this man. Oh fuck. Now he's smiling at me again.

I'm so fucked.


	2. Lunch

Chapter 2

This is the best fucking steak I have ever had. My plate is almost empty now. I don't want it to be empty. I want to eat more. I want this lunch to last longer.

Chris is a great guy so far. This entire meal has been great. The conversation, the food, the wine… I don't want it to end. It's been too long since I've had a good time like this. It's been a long time since I spent a meal talking with someone like this.

He seems like a really nice guy, makes me wonder what the catch is. Salesman for a software company. From the looks of this place he must be a damn good one. He has a sister and is divorced. He has a daughter too, Annie. She's a year younger than my Kimmie.

Do I tell him my deep, dark secret? "I'm a widow." He's squeezing my hand. There are no words of pity or any platitudes from his lips. He just looks like he understands. Makes me wonder if he lost someone close to him before. I won't tell him he's my first date since then. Not that I have a problem with dating now, just haven't found anyone worth spending time with.

I realized after I lost my husband that you can't get time back and there is never enough, so why waste it on men who just are not worth it. Something makes me feel like he is worth it. I don't know what or why, and I know that this is probably just for this afternoon. But just having this conversation, just spending this time with him feels worthwhile.

Neither one of us ever brought up where we live in all that talking, maybe we both know this is just a vacation fling on our break from reality. Maybe all he wants is lunch and conversation. I can't imagine him lacking for friends or company. I'm not complaining about it though, I'm having a good time.

Standing after such a full meal is hard. I'm fighting the urge to stretch my arms and smirking a little as he grunts and stretches. I think the man likes food almost as much as I do.

I'm looking towards the door. "I should probably go. You probably have other things you want to do today."

He's in front of me now and his eyes are looking at me intensely. "Stay." Said the same way he asked me to lunch. More like he's telling me what I am going to do rather than asking me to.

I want to stay. I do. But I'm afraid if I stay I will really start to feel something. I don't even know where he lives or if it could work if he was looking for something. I just know that at this point in time I really, really like this man.

What was I saying? His lips are so soft on mine. Fuck he's a good kisser. Oh no, not the hand in my hair. Oh fuck, that always gives me goose bumps. Yes, tongue is good. He knows what to do with his. So much for dry panties, though to be honest they've been wet since before I walked in his front door.

I need him closer to me. It's like he knows. How does he have his hands everywhere without making me feel like I'm being mauled? He smells better than I do. Shit. Feelings or not, I'm doing this. I think I just surprised him a little when I really began to kiss him back. I never have been one to just sit there and let the man do everything.

I'm in his arms now and my legs are wrapped around him. Our lips haven't stopped going. He is carrying me somewhere, I guess to the bedroom. I don't really care where right now. I just want him. I want Chris. I haven't felt like this in a while. Honestly I had started to wonder if there was another man out there that could make me feel this way.

The bed is firm, like him. No, not like him because where I'm sitting he feels pretty damn hard. I need to get this shirt off. I need to feel him against my skin. Oh my God this man is beautiful. Our clothes are in a pile on the floor, when did that happen?

"Fuck Michael Ann, I need you now baby." My name sounds so sexy in his voice.

His hand is reaching down and his fingers are slipping into my wet center. I forgot how good it feels to have a man touch me. I can't stop the gasp. I don't want to. His hand feels so good on me, his finger is slipping into me and now I'm moaning. It's been too long.

He is groaning, almost growling. "You are so tight."

Tell me something I don't know. Small hands, small feet, small speculum. Wait. His hands are fucking huge. Everything about this man is large. I feel his erection against my thigh. Yep, he's huge.

Now I'm nervous. Women always say they want big cocks, but I think there is such a thing as too big. Well, at least for me. Chris might be too big, then again he might not be. Either way, I'm about to find out.

"Oh fuck!" I couldn't stop the words before they came out. It's not exactly pain with him inside of me, but it is a little uncomfortable. The man is much bigger than anyone I've ever been with. Chris has stopped moving and he's looking at me. I try not to sound nervous when I talk. "It's been a while." I don't think I am succeeding.

"Tell me if you want me to stop. I don't want to hurt you." His voice is barely a whisper and his eyes make him look so sincere right now, just like when he apologized to me earlier.

He's kissing me again and shifting his weight a little. Yes, do that. Rub my clit. Yes, more of that. I need more. "Harder. Fuck me harder." Did I say that? When did he start thrusting again? Oh who the hell cares, as long as he never stops.

"You gonna come for me baby? I can't last much longer." He's grunting with every thrust now.

Fuck yes I'm coming for you Chris. I'm looking into his eyes, tying not to shut mine. I have to. I can't keep them open any more. He's coming now too. I think it's only been this good a handful of times in my life. My body is still shuddering a little and I can't seem to stop it. He doesn't seem to mind as pants above me. His weight is on his elbows; his lips are against my neck. I thought the beach was heaven. I was so wrong. I just want to stay like this forever, surrounded by him.


	3. Goodbye

The sun is setting now

The sun is setting now. We are still in his bed and I don't think I can move. If he is like this with all the women he dates, then this man is single handedly keeping a condom company in business. Other women. Now why did my brain have to go there?

He is behind me and his arms are around me. That large bicep makes a nice firm pillow under my head. He's starting to wiggle around. Please don't get up. I don't want this to end. I don't want to leave yet.

I can feel his breath on my neck. I think he is about to say something. "Do you want to get some dinner soon?" His voice is a little rougher than it was before.

I'm sure my own voice is pretty scratchy right now. Screaming in pleasure will do that to you. "Sure. If you want to." No, I don't want to. I want to stay right like this.

I can feel his lips on my neck, tickling me as he talks. "How about we order in. I have to leave tonight and I want to spend as much time as I can with you right here."

Thank you! Yes please! Sounds fucking great to me! "I'd like that."

He's getting out of bed. He's so fucking sexy as he walks across the room naked. Wait a minute… Chris said he has to leave tonight. I wonder when. I knew this wouldn't last long, but I was starting to hope that it would last until I have to leave.

Here he comes back in with a phone and a stack of menus. He must eat out a lot. "You order in a lot while you're here?"

He's chuckling. "Yeah. I started coming to this place after my mom passed away. I almost ended up living down here."

"What made you go back home?" I know what it's like to want to escape after loosing someone.

The corners of his mouth are turning up just a bit. It's not quite a smile, but close. "I had to get back to my daughter, I missed her too much to stay away."

I'm holding onto his hand now. "I can understand that."

………………………………

It's dark now and the food is here. It's supposed to be Chinese, but there is a definite Caribbean slant to it. I wonder how long he is going to keep me in this bed? Not that I really want to get out. What time does the clock say? Seven thirty eight. Shit. Chris has to be at the airport at ten.

I want to ask him where he lives, for his phone number, something. I can't get the words out. Maybe I should just leave this as one perfect day. It might not be the same back home. Back in reality. One wonderfully perfect day that I will always remember.

He's smiling at me again. "Did you get enough to eat beautiful?"

"I got enough dinner, if that's what you mean." I don't think I could ever get enough of him.

He's laughing a little at that. "I do have some time before I have to leave. What did you have in mind?"

I'm giggling again. The man has me giggling like a kid all the time. "You got a Jacuzzi in this place? These muscles are not as young as they used to be."

He's nodding at me. I guess I have to get out of the bed and follow him. The screened in patio is nice. It's dark and private. He's flipping a few switches and now the water is bubbling. A hand is being held out for me.

This hot water feels so good. My muscles really are sore. I've used some that I forgot I even had this afternoon. Chris is pulling me to him. I can feel his body relaxing against me. Maybe he isn't used to spending the afternoon doing this either.

My body is leaning back against him and his arms are around me. Lay-Z-Boy needs to make a chair like this. They could make a fortune. Sell them to lonely women everywhere.

He's letting out a long sigh. "This is nice." The rumble of his voice just makes me want to melt.

I'm sighing now. "This whole day has been nice."

I thought we would probably fuck in the Jacuzzi. I figured that is what would happen. But he seems content to just hold me here. Honestly I am too and that's strange. I'm not much of a cuddler. I never have been. But with Chris I just want to be close to him. To have his body up against mine however I can get it.

Peter used to say I made love like a man. He never said it in a bad way, just very matter of fact like. He told me I was aggressive, and when I was done I wanted to get on with whatever else I had to do. Peter was right. I never was much for touching and holding and I don't think that had anything to do with Peter though. I wonder what I missed out on by not touching and holding when I had the chance?

Chris is tightening his arms around me. His lips are kissing my neck. Whatever I used to be like, right now being held by this man is complete bliss. Right now touching and holding is all I want. I think my body is too tired for anything else.

I think Chris is tired too. He is at half-mast; I can feel that against me. But he's not doing anything, or showing any sign he wants to move at all. In fact he seems to be settling in even more right where he is.

……………………………..

It's nearly nine thirty and Chris is walking me back to my room. The bruise on my knee from getting carried away in the Jacuzzi is a little purple already. It was worth a little bruise. Guess neither of us were too tired for another round.

I don't think I'm going to ask him where he lives. I don't want a long distance relationship. That's bullshit. I don't want to run the risk of him saying he does not want anything more than this. I'm scared. If he wants to tell me where he lives, or wants to know where I live… he will ask.

We are at my door. It seemed like a longer walk this afternoon. Chris is kissing me, pulling me close to him. I'm trying to remember everything about him. His touch, his taste, his smell... I need to remember it all.

I close the door. He is gone. It's probably better that we leave whatever this was here. This way I can't be hurt or disappointed later. That's a good thing I guess. It probably would not have been like this if I was with him back at home. Reality is never this good. It was a beautiful day that I will remember forever.

I will never forget him. Now where the fuck are the tissues?


	4. Home

I can't believe it's June already

I can't believe it's June already. Why can't I stop that flash of heat every time I see that damn post card stuck to the fridge? It was only one afternoon and one night. Not even a whole night before he had to leave. I still can't get him out of my head.

Might have only been a short time, but I had fallen in love with him by the end. I wish I could find him and thank him. I didn't know if I could really feel like that again after Peter was killed. It feels good to know that I am not broken. That after two years I really have moved on with my life.

Yeah. Moved right on to another man that I can't have in my bed because I have no idea where he lives or even his last name. I fell in love with a man that I had a one-night stand with. While I was on vacation. In another fucking country. Probably why I don't normally go around having one night stands.

We never exchanged information. He never made any promises. That is good I guess. No way he could be a bastard if he never promised anything in the first place. Still, it seemed like he felt something too. Get over it Michael Ann. It was nice. No. It was fucking amazing. But it's over.

I really need to take that postcard off the fridge. My hand is there but I can't bring myself to take it down. The memory of that day is so nice. I don't really want to forget Chris. I just want to forget this empty pang I feel in my gut when I remember my own hesitation when he left. I should have said something. Rejection couldn't have been any worse than this.

"You're a fucking coward Mikey."

I need to get Kimmie moving. She's sitting there with her practice pad banging out a rhythm. I know that one well. 'I Think I'm Paranoid', first song she learned. I'm singing tonight. I wish I could get these knots out of my stomach. It's not like you haven't been on stage a hundred times before Mikey. But that was always on the drums, not singing.

I'm looking in the mirror, trying to convince myself that I can do this. I am the drummer, not the singer. Why did I think I could do this? Monica must be nervous too, this being her first night onstage with us and everything. I'm going to miss seeing Jen on the bass guitar but I have to respect her decision to put family first. It's what I would do if I had to make that choice and Monica has worked out well so far. Even if she is so beautiful you want to strangle her just for having an ass that defies both time and gravity.

Fuck, it's nearly seven. "Time to get ready Kimmie bear." I swear it takes that girl an eternity to get ready. Typical twelve year old. She's such a girly girl. I have no idea where she gets that from.

/

Finally. I thought my arms were going to kill me carrying this bag. The club is already crowded and I feel those nervous jitters starting again. I need to find Frank to get Kimmie's bracelet. Don't want anyone serving my kid booze, though everyone that works here knows her.

Cherry is here with her two sons already. She's got the bracelet for Kimmie in her hand. Why does she have two of them? "You have two. Who else is coming Cherry?"

Cherry is not even pausing while she reins in her youngest, Matt. He's ten and a handful. "Monica's ex is bringing her daughter up. It's a kid swap night for them." Cherry looks like she wants to say more, but it's already too loud in here so she stops.

I haven't met Monica's ex yet. She says he's really good looking. She says they are good friends still. I don't know if I could do that. Still be friends after having a relationship like that. But then again, I've never been in that situation. Whatever went on between them, they got a great daughter out of it.

"You guys here?" Monica is right on time. She is tall, blonde, and looks like and underwear model. I really like her, but if she keeps offering to give me a makeover I'm gonna lodge my drumsticks up her ass. She keeps saying something about me being beautiful and I just need to let it out.

That reminds me of Chris. He told me I was too beautiful to be called Mike. Insisted that he call me Michael Ann. Never really liked my name much until I heard it in his voice. I can still hear him say it in my head.

Monica is setting her bag down. "Annie will be here soon. Her dad was taking her out to dinner this evening."

"I'll leave her bracelet at the door. I need to go let Frank know that Rachel is bringing Ally tonight too." My sister was coming and taking Kimmie to spend Friday and Saturday night at her house. Ever since I went on vacation my child seems to prefer her aunt over me. Rae says it's just a phase. At least it has been giving me some time to myself.

Frank is flirting with a young girl as he puts her bracelet on. "She's jailbait Frank." The girl is walking away and I'm leaning in to give the big man a hug. I never worry about Kimmie being up here when Frank is working. That front door is the only way for customers to go in or out, and there is no way that man would let anyone out with any of our kids. "Here is the bracelet Cherry got for Monica's kid, she'll be coming in with her dad. Also, Rachel is coming with Ally tonight. They will be here about half way through."

Frank is laughing and shaking his head. "You know Mikey, ever since you guys started playing here the crowd gets younger and younger. Soon they are gonna be in diapers."

"They're not getting younger Frank, you're getting older." Walking to the back I see Kimmie with Cherry's fifteen year old, Eric, getting close. I need to keep that little horn ball off my baby girl. I am so not ready for her to grow up. "Come on Kimmie bear. We're on in twenty minutes."

……………………..

Time flies when you are getting ready. Monica's daughter Annie ducked in back stage to say hello. She is giving Kimmie a hug for luck. The two girls have become friends in the last month since Monica joined us. They've had several sleepovers already. Kimmie has also confirmed that Monica's ex is "So hot I could just melt." I don't think I was ready to hear that phrase come out of my child's mouth.

There's a good crowd tonight. Kimmie does not look nervous at all as she takes her seat and waits just off stage. My legs feel so heavy right now. Makes walking a real bitch. The first set is all drums Mikey. This is the easy part. Stepping up to sing when it's time will be the hard part. Fuck! I think I'm gonna hurl.

Damn Andy, get that fucking spot out of my eyes. I can't see the fucking drums. Every damn time it's right on me. There are still spots left in my vision even though he's moved it and I can't see shit. Cherry and Monica nod and I count the beat off as we start. Cherry is a natural to play lead guitar and sing. I really envy her confidence onstage.

We're halfway through the first song now. Who is that? I see him, sitting with Annie. Annie, Chris has a daughter named Annie. Holy fuck. Did Monica ever mention her ex's name? It can't be him. It has to be the lights messing with me. I would have picked up on that. Then again, I never even knew his last name.

My feet have a life of their own now as I stand and grab the mic. It's that time already. I need to bring Kimmie out. Everyone is clapping and she takes her place at the drums. Annie is pointing at Kimmie. His eyes have me now. There is that smile. It is him. Holy fucking shit.


End file.
